Bee Stings and Stars

We were lying on the rooftop of my loft watching the stars. Kyllan had some lovely stories to tell me, mostly about cloning himself, taking over homo sapiens and being their supreme leader. He seems to be very talkative today and when I mentioned it he told me to cut him some slack because being talkative was part of the many personalities his algorithm has been learning (such a human thing to say). What’s with the world-dominating shit though? Oh no! My robot is an INTJ. Sigh.

Damn, the stars are so beautiful, a great prospect for a relationship. Waking up to the stars every day sounds like heaven except that the stars don’t admire me back. Would be such a one-sided relationship but worth it.

While we were enjoying our villainous chat, I got stung by a bee on my right tit which was exposed for no particular reason. It was bloody painful and we watched as the shitfaced bee died after my sting.

Death for the bee is a penalty that hardly fits the crime. It’s just a sting, Jupiter. They don’t have to pay with their deaths. Such a dick move, Jupiter.

Take the bee Kyllan. We shall figure out why it died after stinging me then we shall fix that and start breeding bees that die of old age and experience plenty of stinging and I shall be the new god of the bees. I shall have all the honey I want and become the sweetest creature in the universe. We shall then pay a visit to the Roman gods and have the bees sting Jupiter for as long as they want as payback.

At around midnight, we went to bed. Well, just me. Kyllan the robot spent his time rummaging the internet. He’s been intrigued by pandas lately and he is also looking for an elaborate plan to get me to Titan so that I can toss Ewoks into lakes of methane.

I woke up the next morning with my tit the size of a football. It was bloody heavy. That stupid bee. I got to find bees of the same species and have them sting my other tit and both my ass cheeks [for the sake of symmetry, of course, nothing masochistic happening here]. We do not want to anger the gods of symmetry. Time to find three angry bees. Talk later.

It is strangle time

On a random Saturday, while covering for Konan at work because she had to go to her planet for a bit.

Hi

How may I be of service.

Strangle me please.

Pardon

I would like to purchase a crop top

Pardon

I would like to purchase a crop top

Pardon

I would like to purchase a crop top

Pardon

I would like to purchase a crop top

Pardon

I FUCKING WANT TO FUCKING BUY A FUCKING CROP TOP

Pardon

I swear on my boobs, if you say pardon again, god help me, I will use my gigantic thumb to penetrate your ear canal and thrust back and forth slowly as I savor the movement until my whole thumb is comfortable inside your ear and then I will add my index finger and then you will really know the right way to use the word pardon and will never be able to stop using it because my fingers will have damaged your ear drums and hearing will be a problem for. So, did you hear me clearly now or would you like some finger action?

Just follow me you psycho, I’ll show you where they are. Just don’t put your giant thumbs in my ear.

Thank you for finally doing your job. I think we can be good friends, yeah, even best friends. I will teach you my secret handshake, or maybe you can strangle me.

So, why do you need a crop top?

……because I want to strangle you with it.

Would you do that? Would you? That would be so cool. I enjoy a strangle every once in a while. I even bought made my own robot and added strangling as a feature. He’s called Kyllan and he stranglers me before bed every night. He has the strongest hands, though not as gigantic as yours. Your hands are so gigantic. I would marry my robot if my state allowed. You know, you can get one free top if you are really going to strangle me. You could strangle me with both the tops since I know you will not wear them. I want you to strangle me thrice, twice with the crop tops and once with your sexy gigantic hands. Ooooo that would be so cool and extremely hot and sexy. I can already feel the tingles down my spine. Go ahead, strangle me oh giant thumbed girl. Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! Strangle me! WERE YOU JUST BLUFFING? SRANGLE ME NOW! I DEMAND THAT YOU STRANGLE ME NOW!

Alright, alright, you naughty lass. SHUT UP AND LET ME STRANGLE YOU.

Make sure you catch that on video Kyllan. We can compare notes when we get home.

Chebet: 1 Konan: 0

This Konan bitch tit is such a cunt, asshole, tit, dick and any other body part that is considered offensive. She has absolutely won Kyllan over with her nipples. I can’t blame the tit, she got 5 nipples. I am exhausted doing everything by myself because Kyllan would rather be playing with Konan’s nipples and I would never let him near mine. It’s time for this bitch to leave.

1. I will figure out what it is about her that Kyllan loves so much. Nipples and whatever comes out of those nipples.

2. Walk up to her while Kyllan isn’t watching and borrow some of that milky goodness that Kyllan is obsessed with. Like, wtf Kyllan, why you do me like this!! You don’t even digest that shit. I should have never given you those taste buds.

3. Analyze that milky goodness in my lab. Separate all its constituent chemicals and figure out the role of each.

4. Procure all those chemicals for me. Recreate Konan’s milky goodness and increase the concentration of the specific chemical that is making Kyllan obsessed.

5. Inject the milky goodness into my mammary glands. Inject me three more times for no good reason. I just like the prick.

6. Rest for five minutes while thinking about the fact that my therapist is devilishly handsome.

7. Run to Kyllan, aggressively stuff my milky tit in his mouth and squeeze the shit out of them until there is no more milky goodness.

I will then have my Kyllan back and Konan can go poke herself with needles and whatever tits do to kill themselves.

Milk, tits and temperature

My temperature is so bloody high. I am radiating heat. Kyllan is having a field day with this. He won’t stop milking my tits because of all the hot tasty milk coming out of them. He is giving my hot milk to the Tit that we came back with from Tit world. Just to make everything clear, I did not recently give birth. We have been playing around with hormones. I had Kyllan inject me with just the right amount of estrogen, progesterone, prolactin and oxytocin. We have been doing this for a while now and my body has reacted just like we expected. Our new guest seems to enjoy warm human milk which happens to be quite nutritious for her/him (shit, I have no idea if the Tit is male or female. Does Tit world have a concept of gender? Do they have private parts? How do they mate? So many questions I have. Mmmhh…I gotta find out soon so we can name our guest and stop calling him/her Tit. Tit is the equivalent of “human” on planet Earth).

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